Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
