I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
