This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want nice things and good sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
