Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk is a universal language darling
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
