tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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