Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
