i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
