Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
