ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
