You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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