So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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