Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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