in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
