I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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