So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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