when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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