Acid is not a monday night drug
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think i got beer on your cat.
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