Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
