Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
