i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
