nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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