I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
