New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
