i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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