once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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