my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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