Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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