I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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