I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My cat gives me a boner
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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