tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
