YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
