I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My liver just had a heart attack.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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