His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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