I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
