ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
