Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
only if we run a train.
done.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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