a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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