If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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