I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
