the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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