chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
