im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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