My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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