Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
