Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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