im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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