WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
