If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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