i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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