Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
