The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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