Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
