Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
