I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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