so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My vagina is officially offended.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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