that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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