I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
