I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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