Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
