In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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