I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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